Introducing the ALL- New Initiativ-a-Lator®
I like this one because I often get stuck. Millions of dollars in foundation assets pressuring me to make the world a better place and I just sit there like a dried blowfish without a thought in my head!
Imagine my delight when I inserted the AA batteries into my Initiativ-a-Lator® and, with one flick of a switch, transformed my feebleminded ideas into a $25 million, five-year program to end poverty!
There’s a special offer on orders placed before September 1, 2012: You receive the “First Program of Its Kind” press release template that turns your ill-conceived initiative into a paragon of Strategic Grantmaking. If your program tanks, use the optional “Mea Maxima Culpa” template to win valuable Transparency Points® for you and your foundation.
The Equali-Tea Party Play Set
♪ Go put out your best ♫
♪ For your multi-cultural guests ♫
What’s in the box? A miniature 18-piece tea service and a full complement of Equali-Tea Party Dolls spanning a dizzying range of worldviews and values that frequently come into horrible, violent conflict with one another. The set includes a 1:4 scale Eleanor Roosevelt action figure with spring-loaded Karate Chop Arm® to keep your tea party guests in line.
The Junior Flipchart Paper and Easel kit (sold separately) instantly transforms your animated tea party into a dull but earnest convening.
The Impact Investor Z80
What is impact investing? I think it involves bringing people at the Bottom of the Pyramid (ancient Egyptian slaves?) into the market by selling them things they can ill-afford to buy. This is called “stimulating consumer interest and demand.” Whatever it is, I know I fell in love with this product the first time I saw the ad:
(Image: Impact Investor Z80 sportscar speeding up a steep mountain road lined with alpine flowers.)
Announcer: You want a machine than can help you leave all those thin and volatile operating margins behind—
(Sound of revving engine.)
Help you forget that your inventory is long on “push” commodities, erase the challenges of building your Bottom of the Pyramid value chains.
(Screeching of tires as sportscar negotiates a hairpin turn.)
From triple bottom line to front of the line: The new Impact Investor Z80 can pro-actively extend your business model to create digital, re-engineered, data-driven synergies.
I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds plausible.