Countess Apraxina Does the Hudson Institute

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Editor’s note:  We publish occasional letters written to us—typically on hotel stationery—by the Countess Apraxina.  We’ve invited her to be a regular contributor to the White Courtesy Telephone, but she consistently refuses, stating flatly that “Apraxina does not blonk.”  In this missive she takes WCT editor Albert Ruesga to task for his lackluster performance at a recent panel discussion sponsored by the Bradley Center for Philanthropy and Civic Renewal, a conservative Washington, DC think tank ...

My Dearest Alyosha:

You will know by now that I am go see you speak at Hudson Institute.  I am arrive late, during remarks of charming Mr. Shamrock.  Why you always fight with him like Russian bear?  So handsome!  Groomed to within inch of life—unlike you, my little gemorróy, who look like bony chicken stuffed into ill-fitting suit from Wal-Mart.  You have learn nothink, nothink about fashion in all these years with Apraxina!

And who could understand one little think you say?  Your words flow over audience like embalming fluid—and I mean this only in nicest way.  Sin.  Atonement.  What is this you are saying, my little zaychick?  You remind me of Aunt Sofia, may she rest in peace, who cross herself each time she had impure thoughts.  The woman was in perpetual motion.

You were so focus on inducing narcolepsy in audience, you didn’t notice when Apraxina passed out from boredom and hit head on tray of undercooked brownies.  Fortunately, two very handsome Libertarians carried me out of conference center.  I am meet my good friend Mr. Scooter Libby while I wait in Hudson lobby for ambulance.  He told me he is writing monograph on how to re-introduce honesty and respect for rule of law into low-income African American communities.  I am also ask after childhood friend, Lord Conrad Black, and am surprise when told he has “no comment on allegations.”

New personal secretary, Dmitri, has attach photographs and notes he took at event.  I will use these to sue Hudson Institute, you will believe me! ...

	Mr. Rezga reacts to this comment by Mr. Ed Skloog: “[B]y tying together seriously rich people with harder metrics and better long-term strategy, we may be seeing a new role being created for social capital. And social entrepreneurship—as it is called now, or one of the many terms—may well be getting traction.”
	Mr. Rezga is deep in thought when Mr. Ed Skloog says: “Andrew Kassoy and a couple of his colleagues are talking about the creation in law of a new form of institution that is not an NGO and it’s not a for-profit. It’s a B Corporation, or a Benefit Corporation, whose charter of incorporation speaks not just to serving shareholders but serving all stakeholders ... It’s very, very exciting. B Corporations.”
	Mr. Rezga flubs pronunciation of word “epistemological.”
	Mr. Rezga’s reaction when Mr. Besharov says: “So what do I think is actually happening out there? I think that my colleagues in the academic world and my colleagues in the think tank world ... go through a sort of a charade with the foundations: ‘Oh, yes, you’re very wise, and oh, yes, it’s right—this is the year to worry about black men.’”
	Mr. Rezga is stumped by question from audience member who managed to stay awake during his remarks.

Images: Lake Oswego Public Library; Rezga photos by Max Niedzwiecki

Comments

[ohdarnit]

NOT UNFUNNY, AGAIN!!!!   :O)

(VERY NOT UNFUNNY!)

(I believe I have ruined my church pants!)

Rape fruits (pronunced rah-pay) for everyone!

[Antoine Möeller]

Very good. Apraxina always jiggles my crank. Carry on my wayward sons.

[Bruce Trachtenberg]

Dearest Albert,
The best part of your post is revealing that amazing photo collection from the Lake Oswego Public Library.

I'm headed out to visit my folks for Thanksgiving in my ex-hometown of Portland, Oregon, which is next door to Lake Oswego. I will make a point of making the trip to see the Conrad Black, Countess Apraxina collection. Happy Thanksgiving to you!

[Phil]

Blogging is the one place we can turn the tables on those whose messaging passes for normalcy. In the process we look like Fools. Countess, we are in your debt. Having seen your prior Master, the Czar and his whole family shot, you are right to remind us that laughter is a tiny revolution, over so quickly that it leaves everything as it was, other than our understanding.

[Albert]

I'll send the Countess your greetings. She's making her way to a Black Sea beach resort her secretary booked through Beach Bulgaria. (It's off-season, but she's especially fond of a body builder at the Planeta Hotel who doubles as bartender and foot masseur.)

Safe travels to all this Thanksgiving.

[erasmus]

:-D We love the Countess, and the "Rezga" photos are hilarious. Compliments to Max.